haiku and other...

recently bad thoughts
however i am coward
maybe gratefully

heh, not a very good haiku, but still...it conveys the mood, maybe

this is the only way i know how, and am any good at, getting my feelings out...
i need a way to express, and i need help somehow
where can i find it? what should i do?

hmm, alcohol probably doesn't help, but at the time it seems too. however it exacerbates my palpitations and so i'm trying to not have so much...(like that's gonna happen) which are getting worse, week by week it seems

maybe i should slow down, take myself out of the race for a while; do some work for a change? maybe?
trying to take control, but can't seem to reach the wheel or the brake, or anything for that matter
i feel so alone; whether that is really true or not is another matter
i have cried so much lately i have wondered if i will ever stop - writing this now has started me off! i feel pain like i've never known, amassed forever, all engulfing, consuming me
i am incomplete, yet again

i've lost my way
i have no map or compass (not even sat nav)!

maybe someday someone will find me
i've got a long wait ahead of me
(and a lot of chocolate and ice cream...)

my wall is up, and the long, arduous job of chipping it away has begun
maybe before i can create an opening big enough, it will collapse in on me and i will suffocate

hmm, depressing...
at least ssm is over :>